It is my buddy 3rd death anniversary.

Until now, I still can't believe my buddy is gone. We were like brothers and I will never forget the good times we had. Even in death he has left an indelible mark on me. His influence on me was tremendous without a doubt.

I'll always remember him as my buddy, my best friend and a brother to me.

“It's been over 3 years now and it still hurt. I hated you because you just left like that. We still have a lot of things we haven't done yet, remember? Just want you to know Tee, you are not forgotten. You're a very special person who can always make me laugh.”.
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Lizards! Yuck!

I am most afraid of lizards and yet I killed more than 50 of this disgusting insects of my lifetime. In my house, I slay about 10 of them and the rest is outside my house.

The problem is once I discovered there a lizard roaming at my house most probably in kitchen or toilet......I can't sit, I can't pee peacefully and I can't sleep until I get rid of this pest. Chasing them take some skill though as they will hide behind cardboard or pipes.

My mum even brought some lizard sticking paper. Just place sticky paper on lizards path for the next few days you see lizard stuck there struggling for it life. After catching few lizards this way, they got smart and subsequently we can't catch them anymore using this method even if I were to place different location. They went into hiding mode

Oh yes, even more frustrating is to clear lizard's shit. If I were to chase the lizards away instead of killing them, they would appear again.

My philosophy is this, kill one to warn a hundred.

Somehow I feel lizards able to recognize me. Whenever I'm back from work arriving at my front door, and if they see me, they will start running back to their habitat which is located near my row of pot of plants.

Killing them is an art, I don't just fold newspaper and smack it till all the juices splatter all over the wall. Very troublesome and need to clean up afterward esp at home.

For an example, if I discovered a lizard in my sink, I would let the irritating pest tastes steam bath. I'll throw boiling hot boiling water onto it. Died within one second, almost painlessly.

Last night while I was bathing suddenly a lizard came into sight near the toilet bowl, quickly I used my water hose onto the lizard just like the police use water cannon to quell violent riots.

As usual, it's started run for it life however I was fast enough to hold him to one corner with my water spray till it exhausted. As expected, this little fellow knew his time is up and use desperation move; act dead tactic. When I senses it become almost motionless, I opened the toilet drain cover let lizard flow along the water and into the drain where it suppose to belong.

This process took me about 15 minutes and after when I'm done, I felt safe, secured and of course the feeling of such achievement really made my day.
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Come this 10 of May, I'll be in Spain and Portugal. Will be going holiday with my mum and sister. Am I excited? Oh no,......it cost me over $3,000 and not included expenses over there. Alas I just had to accompany my mum and sister. I'm like being 'force' to anticipates in their tour.

There's goes my laptop and new mobile phone. Gone with the wind you might add.

On top of my wallet being lighter, I have phobia of flying. Every times when I'm on the plane I become disabled by fear, so obviously to me flying a misery. For example when airplane takes off, my heart will be beating so fast, it like I just came back from a marathon run. I swear those sitting besides me thought that I'm trying to intimate darth vader due to my heavy breathing.

My fear of flying is that.
- Worry about the dangers of turbulence (Plane's wing might break)
- Not feeling in 'control'
- Crash (Confirm game over. Not like car accident, still have chance to survive.)
- Possibility of terrorism (Latest)

Did I mention I get nicotine withdrawal syndrome for long flight? My cold turkey got so bad, I was like drooling uncontrollably like a retard in a semi conscious state.

God bless me.
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Everyone has a few secrets, it's completely normal. Do you have a secret that you have been keeping for years and are just bursting to tell? Yeah, I know if everybody knows about, it hardly qualifies as secret.

Everyone has a deep, dark secret. Sometimes these secrets are so deep and so dark that we don't even know what they are ourselves.

Let me start off by starting mine. It's not dark secret by the way, you don't want to know what is my DARK secret.

During my secondary school days, I often went to Outram Secondary school which was just a stone throw from my house to do self study. There, they have long tables and long chairs for everybody to do their revision. This school have a swimming pool and often I see some girls leaving the school's premise about 8 or 9pm after they finished their swim. I think it extra curriculum activities for them.

The girls would bathe after their swim and this was the fun part.

Our leader of my group would decide when is the best time time to proceed on with our 'mission'. Once confirm our “commanding officer” gave us the signal and we sneak to the other side of the girl's bathroom (outside compound). The bathroom have small window opening on the top (for fresh air) which allows us to watch them bath. One person will act as human ladder while the other climb on his shoulder to peep. So long you keep quiet, victim would never know.

I was like 14 years old only and I saw boob for the first time....hahaha

So what are my friends secret?
Let's find out. The usual, lady first.

Vi


What is my secret? I want you. hehehe

Rachel


Why must I tell you? Why ..why? Hey, I don't feel talking leh. Ok lah, actual not much. Three months ago, I strike lottery. First prize some more. But I didn't tell anybody not even my family. Afraid they might borrow from me, lor.

Stephanie


It's no big secret. Tell you a big big secret. In fact I'm a Angel send from Heaven to save the word. How to save you and your friends? Buy insurance from me! *laughing*

Toh


You know me, last time big gangster. Many years ago I remember I got into this gang fight, I cut off my opponent's arm. Until now never get caught.

Roger


Is my hair messy? My secret is my hair.......tell you you also don't believe. It's artificial hair! I've been bald many hair liao.

Old Veg


I smell my wife underwear. Don't bother me, me very busy hor.

Melvin


My wife raise her voice, I scared til like my shit almost burst out. Not only that, she beat me as well. Of course in front of my friends must be macho a bit meh. Shsss don't tell nobody.

Lam


Like to watch pervert porn film. Kind of turn me on. (Rubbing his 2 hands together)

Khoon


Think first.......secret? Very hard......I don't have but hold on! Hold one one second! Oh yes, my ex-wife have! She's a fucking lesbian and I don't even know about this until she run away with a fucking butch.

Bear


I want to sing a song by Michael Jackson call “BAD”.
Here goes,

Your butt is mine
Gonna tell you right
Just show your face
In broad daylight
I'm telling you
On how I feel
Gonna hurt your ass
Don't shoot to kill
Come on,

Because I'm gay, I'm gay-come on
(Gay gay-really, really gay)
You know I'm gay, I'm gay-you know it
(Gay Gay-really, really gay)
And the whole world has to
Answer right now
Just to tell you once again,
Who's GAY

Joe


Uncle, I got what secret? You like that take picture of me...what secret I have left.
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Bear is having his 10 days leave. Initially Bear wanted to go Bangkok, but after he had formulated his intention and because of school holiday week, airfare up by 50%, he developed a strong desire to stay at home instead.

First 2 days of his leave, Bear already was bored to death. I took one day leave to accompany him and so this is how the eight two Im-mortals cross the sea story came about.

We cross to Batam.

Cost $30 for return tickets, journey one hour and by 1pm we were at Batam centre. Both of us never been to Batam and we heard all the 'good' things over there. We came here see for ourselves what's so good about Batam. We changed $100 (altogether) at the money changer and get about half a million rupiah.

Half a MILLION. Whahaha

Cab to city costs 40,000 rupiah.
Bak ku teh costs another 50,000 rupiah.


(We had Bak Ku Teh for lunch)

We're left with 440,000 rupiah.....money sure deplete fast.

So after lunch we walked around their famous street and shopping centre I was told by the cab driver. Like the Robinson shopping centre below..


(Behind me was Robinson)

We came, we saw, and it was si bei jialut......shopping centres and streets are worst than Little India back home. After half hour of walking their famous street, I was told like I said.........still look like this.


(Pathetic street)

Wau lau eh. Nothing to buy, nothing to see. What's so good about Batam? I don't get it. I heard Batam is rapidly coming of age with a commercial and public building boom and new and up-graded facilities, shopping centres, hotels, bars and restaurants.

Do it look like rapidly coming of age from the picture taken?


(Cambodia look alike)


(One of the best building)


(1 pkg of cigarettes costs SG1.8)


(This is the best street in Batam, I was informed)

Obviously nothing to see.....so we went for spa with hot tub, sauna, steam bath with a 11/2 hrs of tradition java massage throw in. And this is the BEST moment of the day.

Damage: 260,000 rupiah for 2 persons. Really cheap, I tell you.

Oh yeah, generally I see men were from Singapore in their 50s and above all, they came alone. Met one Singaporean old man in his 50s, gave us a mini tour in Batam. Also he gave us some lesson on “how to hook up a gal.” and other related stuff about girls in Batam.

Bear and myself listened attentively as if we're attending a motivation talk. After his speech, he seemed very pleased with himself. He's a oldies and thinks he's a godly (sex wise). Hey, I'm may be a newbie (in Batam) but I'm a sex guru. hehehe

Batam is a paradise for those interested in the flesh trade. Other than that, nothing! Nothing to do here, nothing to see here. You get the pictures, right?

After part way with old chap, we have our dinner and this place mostly sells seafood.



We were left with over about 200,000 rupiah.


(One glance at Bear, you know he's bored)

Damage: 70,000 rupiah for dinner.

30,000 rupiah for cab back to ferry terminal and at the end of the day we still got 20,000 rupiah left.

Told Bear if we're going back to Batam, will be at least another year.
Boring place.
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There are times when I really question the intelligence level of human beings. Some as blur like king sotong, some lazy like a geek from India and yet some stupid like porky pig. By the way, I DID NOT MAKE UP this. I'm damn nasty over the phone, in fact I was complaint a few times because of my attitude. Still my approach is not improving because of those stupid persons.

This is the most common sotong king call I received in office.

Chap: Hi...who is this?

Me: You call and ask me who am I? When you call somebody as a basis courteous you should identify yourself first before asking the other party name.

Chap: Err......my name is abc from xxx company and I.......

Me: (Interrupting)..ok...ok. Just let me know what you want. Short and sharp

Chap: Can I have the arrival date/time of this vessel.

Me: Vessel's name?

Chap: Err.....don't know.

Me: Don't know? Do your homework before you call lah.
(Hang up on him)

See what I mean? Expect you to provide answer for them when their don't even know what they are asking. And then there was those freaking lazy and they call because of the sake of calling. Like I said, I did not make this up. True!

Lady: Is that operation dept?

Me: Ya

Lady: Is my guy at your office already or not. To collect deliver order.

Me: I'm God is it? I know who are you and which company you are from, is it?

Lady: I'm from xxx company. (Hokkien accent very strong)

Me: I'm not your babysitter. You should call your man or your courier services to find out if they collected or not.

Expect us to be their watchman...I don't entertain this kind of call. Simply lazy, simply retarded. Yesterday there was this lady who want to complaint me. She is the consignee (cargo owner/receiver) of one of my vessel. Below conversations is TRUE, I didn't make it up.

(After some dispute with her)

Lady: Pass me to your manager, I want to lodge a complaint of you.

Me: Out of lunch. You can send by email.

Lady: Give me his handphone number. I want to complaint you.

Me: He will be back in 10 minutes. Call back. (She think I'm scare. Haha)

Lady: No..I want it NOW!

(I slam the phone. So she immediate call again and I happened to pick up the phone.)

Lady: Give me your manager's handphone number.

Me: Call back. Out for lunch.

Lady: Now....I want it now to complaint YOU.

I hang up on her again. Think protest to my manager I scare, it it? Her eyes fill with "bak sai" don't know who is she talking with. Today yet another idiot piss me off.

Idiot: Is that xxx (My company's name)

Me: Ya

Idiot: Operation Dept

Me: Yup

Idiot: Can I this vessel information of this vessel?
(After given this idiot all information required, he asked me this)

Idiot: Confirm or not? The vessel eta (estimate time of arrival) is chun or not.

Me: When you drive or take mrt, can you confirm on time or not? You first day work in shipping company? (Those working in shipping will know why vessel eta cannot be confirm due to bad weather and against current factor)

Ka Ni Na, even you get married, you can't CONFIRM your wife won't run road. Mind you, this idiot called doing exact the same job (boarding) as I am and he was vessel's owner protecting agent and I was the vessel's charterer agent.

Don't fuck them, they don't wake up.
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TAMMY WEBSITE!

http://tammy-nyp-info.blogspot.com/

This website supposedly was set up by her boyfriend to deal with the aftermath. By setting up this website is purposely trying to get more attention on the matter. There even have pictures and video of them.

So if this genuine website of Tammy's bf? You guys decide.

Also I have send email to him telling that there was no finisher in that lovemaking video. They should get Jack Neo to get involve and complete their megaproduction for the sake of their audiences as well for thir fans.

Should give a name for their mini move. Since Jack Neo Jack Neo as director, maybe "Orgasm not enough" seem appropriate.
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The story of an extraordinary woman

She is extraordinary alright. I met Stephanie for dinner in Suntec last night and I must admit, she is one of the most persistent and stubborn lady I ever knew. From the first time I met her til now, she been asking me EVERY time this question whenever we meet up.

When are you going to buy life insurance from me?

So everytime I explained my position why I didn't buy, it is almost like the story about the scientist who, at a dinner-party, should explain the theory of relativity to a very persistent lady. My conclusion, based on two decades of experience there is no way in talking rationality to a unrelenting women.

In truth, she's always so damned amusing to talk to.

It's been a long time since two of us have dinner together. Went to Soup restaurant and I'm not going to write what we eat or chat. Instead I'm going to show you this picture.



The reason she is not willing to take any pictures is that she believe she is fat. You know lah, women always want to look their best when taking picture meh. Lucky opportunity came and I took it.

I know if she saw this, she would scream out her lung saying, “Why my ugly side!”





Yes, I must admit Stephanie looked much better than the pictures above. Anyway, Stephanie gave me the impressive that she has self confident in everything she does........except her weight only.

Her self confidence and self esteem with her body image has sunken to the bottom of the ocean like Titanic. She almost looked like the pics below.



When we get overweight, we lose our sense of confident, we get fed up easily and may even get depressed.

Perfectly understandable.

I know Stephanie will be reading this so in order to help her regain her self confident in the size department I post a poster below for her.




Everybody needs a confidence boost sometimes.
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The school does not allow coloured bras. The bras were confiscated and kept by the school. That is what some students in a secondary girls' school had to go through.
(Dated 5 March by The New Paper)

Parents cried father...cried mother like this is end of the world. “What is wrong with coloured bras? ” demand both parents and students.

What wrong? I tell you what's wrong. If we bend the rules here, bend the there, at the end of the day there will be no rules to speak of.

RULES ARE RULES!

Oh, I like lacy rainbow coloured bras, why can't I wear them in school?

I also like to wear unmatching colour shoes and socks, why can't the school allow me to wear one white and one black shoe?

I don't like the white uniform but the school insists I wear, why can't I wear my white CK shirt instead. It's white anyway.

I want to wear my tudung to school, why can't I?

Yellow sock look good on my school shoe, why can't I?

Without any accessory, my face look plain, why can't I wear this to school?

I want to look like F4, why can't I have long hair?

Dye hair is nothing wrong, why school doesn't allow me?

When I enter NS, I don't like the army uniform, why can't I wear my jeans for during drill?

(Why...why tell me why? - sang by Anita Mui)

Wau lau, these days teenagers are really getting out of hands. The parents cannot and don't know control them. Then the school have to think of ways to discipline them. As a result if cases like this, parents “cow pei cow bu” as if they got to temple and discover loss of chicken they intend to offer to the Deity.

Kan Ni Na

I was student before and I know what was like to provoke the school system and deliberately challenge authority. If not for the school discipline, I'll be even more mischievous guy that I already was.

Parents also have no slightest clues that their kids can behave like angels in front of them and devils behind them. Eg is the Tammy case. If the video didn't come out, you think the parents have any clues that their daughter is so advanced one meh.

Kan Ni Na

Nowadays children con their parents til there are 'gong' 'gong'. Overheard a few times on the street how kids were boasting how they trick their parents in getting time-out or extra pocket money.

And you parent think, “Oh my child are so good boy/girl. This teacher is idiots!” Little does the parents know that they themselves are label stupid by their own kids.

When parents spoilt their kids like that...what to do?

I was taking taxi home last Friday after drinking session. The cab driver was in her 60year old lady. Her phone rang after ending her call....I could see her frustrated and almost in tears.

Asked her why, she said, “My daughter in her 30s want me to buy supper after I end my shift. So big already still need me to buy everything for her. ”

Behind her words, I understand she meant that at her age her daughter suppose to take care of her not the other way round.

You spoilt kids now, you suffer later. Period.

Principal, what you did is correct. I stand by you, support you like a pillar. Now do you have any partime job in your school like P.E teacher or in need of a gardener?
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When I was in primary school every year towards the beginning of the school term, on the first week whereby teachers got to know pupils and we got to know our new classmate and the teachers had us either write or asked each student their ambitions – what they wanted to be when they grew up.

I don’t know what was the real purpose of the whole exercise, to be honest. At the age of 7 or 8 years old, I can tell you most kids would put down jobs like Doctor, Lawyer, Policeman or even Astronaut.

Standard answer as expected.

None of us put down real-life jobs like painter, construction worker, receptionist, hostess, or pirated vcd entrepreneur.

So why Doctor, Lawyer and Policeman? I really not sure. But for my class, when we asked to give our ambition, we would go something like this:

Teacher: So what is your ambition and why?

Student A: I want to become a policeman so I can catch all the bad guys.

Student B: I want to be a doctor so I can save lives

Student C: I want to become a lawyer. Mummy says it earn a lot of money.

Me: My dream is to become a teacher. I want to make a difference, just like you have done in my life, Miss Chan.

In reality, I really want to salesman but not ordinary salesman, mind you. It's more like underwear salesman.

Why you might ask?
Why do I like underwear so much.

You see, when you are 7 or 8 years old I'm sure you have a hero deep inside your heart. My hero was Ultraman.

So what do Ultraman and I like underwear got to do with each other?

When I was young, I always act like my hero...killing all the monsters. To be my hero you got to look him him, right?

You try putting your underwear over your head,..you will looked like Ultraman alright.
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From t-shirt to wallclock and they even came out Tammy postage.

Check this out.
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/tammy