Telemarketers crack me up.

They're so scripted and trained, so stuck in their routine and so closely monitored, that anything you say even slightly off-putting will completely screw them up.

For example, I recently received a call from a credit card company who said the following:

“Bah....bah....bah....and a loan up to five times your monthly salary with a low interest." said the lady.

"Actually, I'm very well off and I don't need any loan" I said.

Only a chainsaw could have cut through the awkwardness of the next three seconds.

"Thank you for your time sir." was the last words I heard from her.

Which reminds me of another incident. Someone called and wanted me to sign up for unknown company for insurance plan. Initially I thought, what the heck only SGD10 a month (cover for accident) after her continuously persistence.

Me: Ok.....sign me up.

Lady: Let me have your house address. I ask my courier guy pass you the form and then you sign just return the form back to him.

Me: By courier service? No need to meet up and some explanation on the plan?

Lady: No need. Fast and convenience, right?

Me: Wow, you're very professional (trying to be sarcastic)

Lady: Oh yes....we are.

(**Sigh** obviously this lady not from insurance but telemarketer for them)

Sensing this is not right and also this company I never hear before prior this call so I decided back out. Well the thing is, she kept calling back. As much as three times a day even I tell her I'm not free.

So eventually I decided to mess with her.

Telemarketer: Could you please confirm your house address.

Me: I'm going to cut your head off.

Telemarketer: Um...yes, sir...but I need your house address to send you the contract.

Me: I'm going to cut your head off.

Telemarketer: Okay, is this Mr. How?

Me: Mr How doesn't live here anymore.

Telemarketer: Do you know where I can find him?

Me: No. I cut his head off.

Telemarketer: Thank you for your time sir.
.